Match report v Leyton County Sat 7 November 2009

Game league v Leyton County away
Won 6 - 1

Unfortunately I couldn't be at the game on Saturday and asked Shag to let me know details for a match report. As you all know, he is an old git and can't remember further back than a 12 hour period, so I managed to get the score off him and the goalscorers but little else. He did say that he thought he was man of the match, but couldn't remember if had played well or not.

So anyhow, I've had to make the match report up myself .

The game started badly for us with Leyton on the attack for the first 15 minutes and they were creating chance after chance, but Lewis Nutter Pontin in goal was making some fingertip saves and one handed catches, definately 1st 11 form. Ive already informed Mickey Peirce, the first 11 manager, who said that I must be mad if he thought that he would pick that nutter for his team. I don't know what he meant by that! He must have seen his performance during training last Thursday.

Anyhow, after the first 15 minutes our defence, which consisted of Andy Blackpudding Blackburn, Aaron Gigalo Wilson, Adam Dont Fuck With Me Tompkinson and Craig Shag Chambers started playing absolutely brilliantly and did not give Leyton another chance.

Our midfield was working hard with Adam Baroll Barrett taking out three at a time and Sonny Relax Davis was swaying his hips and making the rest of their team dizzy in that midfield. Even Tom Sicknote Hannington did not get injured. Things were going well until Shag forgot that the game waas still on and went to the touchline to get some jelly beans and a bannana, which left a gap in our defence. Their players noticed this and attacked down our left side and one of them took a shot from the touchline which went over Nutters head and into the far corner. Shit we were 1 - 0 down. Dont Fuck With Me, and Gigalo started having a go at Shag but Blackpudding and Sean The Mad Ginger Scotsman Gallagher stepped in and calmed it all down.
HT 0 - 1

We had to push forward in the second half as nothing more than a win would be good enough. The half time team talk given by Kevin I'm Going To Kill You Llyons inspired all the players especially John Cant Take My Stella Henderson who came on in the second half.

We started pressing forward and a long ball from Dont Fuck With Me was contolled by Sicknote and the cross was sent in low accross the 6 yard box and Barroll slid in and scored our first goal. Shag wasnt sure if it was Barroll who got the last touch or one of the 4 players that he took with him as he slid in. I've given the benefit of the doubt to Barroll. 1 - 1

We kept on attacking and after about 20 minutes Relax swayed with the ball and mesmerised about 4 of their players. His pass found Niki Im From Enfield Old Gramarians Heigho, who slotted the ball into the back of the net. 2 - 1

Control of the game was now ours and goals followed by Petros and Harvey (will think of other names for them next week) 4 - 1

With 10 minutes to go we got a corner and The Mad Ginger Scotsman whipped it in from the left and it was flicked on by Cant Take My Stella for Gigalo to poke it into the net. 5 - 1

I am told our last goal was something special. Relax picked up the ball in the middle of the park and played a one two with Chris You Better Not Fucking Give Up Bageley and then went on a run past 5 of their players. Every time he looked like he had just kicked the ball a bit too far, but he controlled it with his studs and got passed them all. He then played the ball to Blackpudding who had joined in with the attack, who in turn passed it to Cant Take My Stella. Cant Take My Stella gave it back to Relax who stoked the ball into the back of the net. 6 - 1

Seriously, great result and I am told everyone played well.

We are at home next week v Latymer and I will let you have details later in the week.


John